i just wanna write

here i am in my bed and it’s a saturday night! and i spent it inside, alone, doing nothing in particular..

man. the quiet was nice at some points, healing.. peaceful.. at some points scary. all the sound starts up around 11pm on saturday night.. things get louder and more alive. i should be heading towards sleep cuz i gotta wake up early. it

gives me life to say that little boy had the slightest, most gentle dimples and that made me happy inside, it makes her happy to say autumn is screaming or that the night’s a soft sheet descending on the land and on the people…makes me feel like a real human to describe life this way

i have

so much

i am constantly observing the world from the outside, i don’t like to do insider things like care about our pop stars, i am not part of any of that. oh well.

rock out?

i think the reason why i can’t “rock out to my hyphenated identity” or feel honest in saying that or whatever is because i still haven’t claimed my power.. i’m still stuck in this humilty is moral bullshit

from my bedroom window

my bedroom window, photo taken by best friend, isa.

~

brick apartment building is stolid

tough against a playful sky.

end of the day

being lost in abstraction, placelessness and wonder. being free. motivating myself to see this day as the day it will be amazing.. the day we change the world together, one history lesson at a time. feeling strong. calm. interacting with my kids in loving ways. asking them how they are. patience, the renewal of hope.

dark dusky streets, rushing with coffee in hand. taking big steps, 3 per breath. Nodding at morning crawlers, strollers, for whom perhaps this may still be night. Stretching in the morning. Telling myself it’s going to be alright. Trying to go to bed on time. Incense smoke feels its body. Delicious movements I havent done. The morning rush, the motivating, let’s go! The kids’ faces with hands raised, I will achieve this again. Scurrying through hallways. Feeling happy at work.

No. my details need to get smaller. I need to feel more intimate.

I have hard days but teaching does feed me. I don’t need to pretend it doesn’t. Come on, how can you not love Elias? Jasmine? Brian? Are you serious? These kids are the cutest. Kasheem? Seriously. Bless every single kid in my 7^th period class. Edwin is so mischevious. Tanisha wants to do well. Joel is just adorable. Shanice?? Man. I love these kids. And I really want them to feel like good students. Bekim? Man.